The older I get and the more experience I have with the world, the more I begin to realize that people are all hypocrites, and woman are no exception. Women will bitch and complain about how men are so violent and stupid, all they care about is sex, and it’s unfair that we live in such a clear patriarchal society, and men will sit there listening, for one reason… woman have vaginas. I’ve sat and I’ve listened to Rosie O’Donnell and all the other women who blame men when things don’t go their way, and now it’s my turn to be heard. So ladies… SHUT THE FUCK UP.Maya Angelou - Shut the fuck up
Martha Stewart - Shut the fuck up.
Jane Fonda - Shut the fuck up.
Every stupid female comedian who thinks their material is funny because they bitch about how unfair it is to be a woman, and only further your stereotype by making a caricature of a stupid loud mouthed woman. -Shut the fuck up… You’re annoying me and hurting your cause, fall into a pit somewhere and die. It should be a law that if you’re a woman whose name isn’t Sarah Silverman you can’t do standup… and if it’s Margaret Cho than you’re launched into the sun.
Whenever I hear a woman support feminism or complain that life’s unfair because she has breasts, I do one of two things.1) I beat her to death, and then pull out her ovaries to make sure she never procreates-- you know, just for good measure. And then I cop a feel OR
2) I try to ignore her, because it’s not her fault, she’s probably just having her period. Besides, if I don’t agree with her opinion than I’m a sexist pig who doesn’t respect her, and therefore my opinion is wrong. Talk about a hypocritical double standard. Unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do about it because as stated above… she has the vagina.
Women, please for gods sake stop saying that if women ran the world it would be a happy peaceful place. It is scientifically proven that women are illogical, conniving, unnecessarily violent creatures for no real reason. Yeah, that’s right, I’ve seen ‘Mean Girls.’ There are women in politics, there was a female Prime Minister, Cleopatra, Helen of Troy, The goddamn Queen, give it a rest! The reason male figureheads run the world is because they are generally more suitable leaders and if women were in charge there would be a small war once a month. Note I did not say better, because it’s a well known fact that woman do in fact run the world (see: Vaginas). All this bitching and moaning about George Bush and Dick Cheney, two words ladies: Condoleeza Rice.
Condoleeza Rice is the love child of Mike Tyson and Satan. She is a prime example of a point made by one of the great minds of our Millenium, Rush Limbaugh, who stated quite clearly:“Feminism was established to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society.”
Wow, Mr. Limbaugh… wow. I’d bet you a million dollars he slept on the couch that night. Honestly, even I’m kinda offended by that. Nevermind, the thought of complaints I’m gonna get about this from the females I know (my mom) makes me even angrier. Fuck. FUCK. GODDAMMIT YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Please understand that I am in full support of equality (REALLY!!!) and support the equal treatment of women…. If that’s what they really want. Unfortunately, as far as I can tell, woman do not want equality and fair treatment, they just want the good stuff. I say the next time you’re on a date and the check comes, go to the bathroom to powder your nose and let your date grab the check. Or better yet, start divvying it up right there and make her pay for her goddamm share. Stop holding doors open, and pulling out chairs. Chivalry is dead. Let that gut go, fart in public, have her make the first move, stop going to Chick Flicks, and stop being nice to woman. The fact of the matter is that woman don’t want to be treated equally, they want to pampered and cared for. They want their way paid, and things to be easy, as long as they’re granted the same benefits as men get. To quote my new god Rush Limbaugh once again:
“Feminists want to be treated as equals, but at the same time they want special treatment”
You wanna know the one major flaw in your plan, ladies?
All this being said, ladies, feminists, calm down. Female equality is clearly establishing itself, we’re not totally there yet, but we’re getting there. It’s not gonna completely happen tomorrow and you not wearing a bra and not shaving your armpits is not helping your cause. Yes, men don’t have to dress like this, so you shouldn’t have to, good point, if you don’t wanna wear a bra, I am in full support of your decision. (Most) Men don’t have breasts and that is the reason we don’t wear bras. They are not a curse, they are a blessing. You know that guy at the grocery store who carried your groceries to your car? And that nice stranger who held the door open for you? The nice man who helped you move and that guy who bought you those drinks? Well there are two reasons these ‘nice’ men did it for you… I’ll give you a hint: it starts with ‘B’ and ends in ‘oobies!!!!!!!’. If you think you’re making a statement by not wearing a bra, then you ma’am, are a fucking genious. In fact, bras should be banned from planet earth. Any woman caught wearing a bra is traitor and is to be stripped naked and tied up. In my basement.
Point two. Shave your armpits. That’s it, just shave them. Body hair is not attractive, that’s why men don’t fantasize about BigFoot.
If no woman wore makeup and nobody dressed sexy than society wouldn’t demand that you dress and look and act this way, but guess what? Woman do dress this way. Many woman like being looked at, they like being admired. They appreciate the genetic advantage that woman have over men, and while you may call some of these woman sluts, I call them intelligent business woman….. No I’m just kidding, they’re sluts, too. Any woman who intentionally looks bad and doesn’t shave should be fired out of a cannon straight into a brick wall. SPLAT, problem solved.I was also gonna talk about racial double standards and hypocrisies with the African-American community, but that would be considered a hate crime and I don’t wanna get killed. However, at times it seems like I’m taking crazy pills. I mean seriously, does nobody else see anything wrong with two black men making a movie like this?
In conclusion, woman need to decide what they want. If you want totally equality then that’s cool. You stop suing for sexual harassment and we’ll stop slapping your ass. Stop cursing being a woman and accept and appreciate the natural benefits which it gives you. Embrace your breasts. If you’re gonna be a pain in the ass, decide what you want and don’t be a hypocrite. All that being said, I love woman, and if there’s any out there who would like to engage in sexual activities with moi, please e-mail me.
