My Dinner (Convo) with Andre (Laura)

Last night CaptainRoommate made the terrible mistake of sending me the email of some girl he was talking to on MSN. Obvoiusly, I decided to charm her, the following are snippets of our conversation. She’s in love with me now.

Being conscientious and wanting her to know what she’s getting in for, I began the conversation
Ving: let me just make one thing clear before you fall in love me, I'm better and smarter than you ,there's no point in trying, you'll only fail

I said something in regards to my awesome-ness.
Laura: well aren't you the cocky little fucker
Ving: no, I'm insecure and ashamed. I exxaggerate and act wild as a defense mechanism against the cold and cruel world. Daddy, why don't you love me?

Somewhere else in the convo.
Ving: I agree... but you're a woman. And women aren't people, they are objects created by our lord and saviour for our (men's) amusement. Now shut your mouth and go bake me a pie
Ving: but then throw it out, 'cause you probably can't bake for shit

She somehow found something I said repulsive and offensive. Uptight brat.
Laura: how about you get your head out from up your ass unless its already too far jammed up there and realize what a fucking psycho you're being.
Ving: listen, first of all, it's not phsyically possible for my head to be UP my ass, if I was that flexible, I would be getting myself off pretty much 24/7. Second of all.... I forget where I was, but the point is........ who are you again?

I said something along the lines of ‘I won’t be caught dead socializing with a Nazi’
Laura: and what makes you think i'd be caught socializing with you?
Ving: see that little bar at the side of those words that magically appeared beside those strange letters? if you move that up you can find our msn history..... If you go high up enough, you can find a comment about me being smarter than you

I used the word rhetoric, and she, being the idiot that she is (see: woman) misspelled it in her comeback.
Laura: you clearly don't know how to use the word "rehtoric"
Ving: you’re right, i only know how to use real words

I continued to charm her
Laura: dont you have something better to do than talk to some high school girl on your roommates msn?
Ving: no, I told you. I'm pathetic and alone. I have low self esteem and enjoy pissing people off. I'm emo in every sense of the word. play me some elliot smith, and I'll slit my wrists, just as long as you don't leave me alone in this cold harsh world... DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME DADDY, I STILL LOVE YOU
Ving: and wait a minute, you're in high school?..... whoa! that would be illegal... stay away devil woman!

We got to talking about how when I’m old, my skin loosens and my package looks bigger.
Laura: ill hook you up with my grandpa then
Ving: you're your grandpa's pimp... that's fucking gross.... is his package HUGE or something?
Laura: haven't seen it actually, but if what you say is true, it must be
Ving: you close your eyes, huh? alright, fine... how does it taste?
Laura: you're fucking sick
Ving: hey, I'm not the one giving my grandpa hummers in the backyard with my eyes closed, testing out the material before you sell it elsewhere
Ving: that's fucking sick. you're fucking sick.

This one’s not very good, I dunno why I included it
Laura: way to go
Ving: me or jesus? because things didn't end great for jesus
Laura: if you're not careful you may meet a similar fate
Ving:are you threatening to crucify me? because it's time we put an end to jew on jew violence.
Laura: no, but there are some crazy people out there
Ving: mexicans?
Ving: because that's rude and offensive
Laura: of course not. generally speaking, there are weirdos in the world
Ving: what's his name? I'll kick his ass

I think I said I’d rather have a million dollars than spend a week in hell
Laura: well then you're a shallow jerk
Ving: well than you're a shallow jerk
Ving: well than you're a shallow jerk
Ving: well than you're a shallow jerk
Ving: now call me immature, I get off on that shit

The conversation began to bore me, so I put and end to it, and we parted ways.
Ving: listen, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a stupid bitch

I know I’m smooth. Just goes to show, don’t bother arguing with me, you’re just gonna look stupid. Oh well… she’s in love with me.