Rocky III should be nominated for an academy award. Yeah, that’s right, not because it’s a great movie, far from it, simply because of it’s homosexual content. I’m sure it comes as no surprise to you that this years Oscars ceremony has more gay participants than an episode of Frasier. Brokeback Mountain, Capote, and George Clooney are all nominated for awards, and I say we add Rocky Balboa to that list. I watched this movie last night and at moments I was under the impression that I was watching Brokeback Mountain II. This movie had more fags than a British Cigar Shop. Don’t believe me? Here are some Screen shots from the film:
Maybe I just don’t understand ‘80s fashion, but come on! Look at that shirt, I don’t even know how to make a joke here, that’s the most ridiculous get up I’ve ever seen. If I saw a 12 year old girl wearing that outfit I’d call her a slut, and judge her parents. Only sluts dress like Apollo Creed. Even gayer was right after this shot, Apollo pranced down the beach to embrace Rocky, they then 69’ed each other. Here, check this one out:
This is the final confrontation between Rocky and Apollo. The ref read the rules while Rocky and Clubber Lang made out, they then proceeded with a dance off. Apollo won because Rocky broke down when, upon reflection, the grief from Bambi‘s mother‘s death became too much too handle.
Here, tell me if you see anything gay about this next pic, other than the jovial black man giggling at Rocky’s form and Apollo checking out his ass:
No? Nothing? Here, take another look:
APOLLO’S WEARING A RAINBOW SHIRT. I’m completely convinced that Apollo is a flaming homo, not that there’s anything wrong with that. I say that because there really is nothing wrong with it, not because persecuting Apollo would be a hate crime. Anyways, this next pic isn’t really gay, it just sickens me. Here, Rocky is pimping off his wife to her brother, it’s just nasty. Unfortunately, in this scene, along with the entire movie, everything Rocky says sounds like a 9 month old murmuring incomprehensible statements:
Note to Sylvester Stallone: Hire a dialect coach. Oh, and stop writing, this scene was disturbing and disgusting. Not only did they say this in the scene, but I didn’t even add anything, those voice bubbles were actually visible in the film.
If somehow you’re still not convinced, this picture should do the trick. I swear it is not touched up or altered in any way, this is exactly how it appeared in the film. Go watch it if you don’t believe me, the full scene is even gayer:
There is nothing I could possibly do to that picture to make it any gayer… well… maybe one or two things:
The only heterosexual element of this film was the presence of the always bad-ass Mr. T:
Mr. T is the most masculine man since the creation of Chuck Norris. If you’re a man reading this you clearly admire him, and if you’re a woman, you clearly want him. Let it be pointed out that directly after taking this picture he snapped the necks of both those Muppets, then ate the photographer for good measure. Actually, Mr. T is so much of a man, that I think he probably counters the homosexuality of this movie. Yeah, come to think of it, Mr. T is so hardcore that this movie itself is manly and badass.
Please ignore this article, sorry for wasting your time.
