Somewhere in the American Government's busy schedule of 'accidentally' shooting people in the face and capturing the President of one of the most recognizable countries on the planet, they managed to make the whole world forget about Osama Bin Laden. How did they do it, you ask? Well I'll tell you.
[Paragraph deleted by American Government]
And that is why the world has forgotten Osama Bin Laden. Which got me to thinking, who are some famous terrorists of the past? who was the first terrorist? has anybody else been forgotten like this? what the hell was I talking about?
Sure there have been several terrorists from recent memory. Timothy McVeigh, Osama (one name only, like Cher), that guy from Die Hard, and Michael Moore all come to mind, yet one stands above the rest.
Only one person has been so famous, followed to such extreme lengths, only to be forgotten come year 2006. You may have tricked the world, government, but you haven't fooled me! So I ask you:
Where the fuck is Carmen Sandiego?
Several television shows, a cartoon, a gameshow, a worldwide search, and now... nothing. Listen, I don't know what the hell she did, but if she's in such high demand, I want a piece of that hunting action. I never really understood the whole 'Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?' thing anyway. I mean, sure, the song's catchy and all, but we are a generation that grew up finding Waldo. Forget Bush, you send six 9 year olds out to find Osama, they'll have him home faster than you can say 'Nap Time!'
I mean, where the hell could Carmen Sandiego be? Did you check New York? Florida? Yeah? How about SAN DIEGO, YOU FRIGGIN' RETARDS!!! Carmen Sandiego is not like Osama (one name, like Madonna), Osama has hundreds of look alikes and is hiding somewhere in a cave. Carmen Sandiego is a 30-something year old woman wearing high heels, bright red, and an almost humorously large hat. How could we not find her? Are we retarded? Is she listed? Did anybody even bother checking the phone book?
There's only one possible solution: Carmen Sandiego and Osama (one name, like The Rock) are the same person!!!!! That's right ladies and gentlemen, Carmen Sandiego... is a dude!
It seems now, more than ever, there is a dire need to figure out where in the world Carmen Sandiego is before all the infamous fictional characters from our childhoods become terrorists. Imagine the mayhem!!
I don't think it's impossible to capture Carmen (one name, like Osama) if we really commit ourselves to it. We just need a way to get her to wear a white and red striped jumpsuit, tuque, and big rimmed black glasses.
