One of the predominant parties of Egypt is an organization known as Hammas. Hammas is the majority party of the Palestinian Authority Legislative Council located in Egypt and they're not very nice. They are responsible for many suicide bombings in Israel and are supportive of creating a Palestinian Islamic State out of the West Bank, Israel, and the Gaza Strip. (Note: Probably a good idea to cancel that family trip to the Gaza strip). They are considered a terrorist organization by Australia, Canada, the European Union, Israel, and the United States, and are banned in Jordan. Which makes you think, wouldn't the organization which denounces and attempts to blow you up be banned throughout all of Israel? Even McDonalds was smart enough to stop letting the Hamburgler in. Come on Israel, get with the program.
One key characteristic of Hammas is that they don't recognize the state of Israel. They jus
t don't recognize it. It doesn't exist. A typical conversation between a Palestinian and an Israeli might go something like this:Palestinian: So where are you from?
Israeli: Israel
Long awkard silence
Palestinian: Huh?
Israeli: Israel... it's right there points to the border where Israel is clearly visible
Palestinian: Still don't follow
Israeli: Israel, it's your neighbouring country. We're those guys you keep launching bombs at....
Long awkward silence
Palestinian: Explodes
I don't understand how you can want to conquer and bomb a place you claim doesn't exist. It's like denouncing the concept of toilets during a bout of diarhea. This concept of not recognizing the existence of a clearly material thing got me to thinking. How awesome would it be if we just applied this concept during our every day life?
Wife on your back about coming home at 3 in the morning piss drunk? How's that possible? You have no wife!
Cop siren blasting behind you demanding you pull over? Nope, there's no cop behind you.. floor it! Worried that he might find that ounce of cocaine in the glove compartment? Cocaine? What the hell is cocaine? You're more worried about that dead body in the trunk. Wait... trunk? Dead body? I'm confused, what are these things you're talking about?
There's always the limits of religion, morals, and laws, but then again, none of those things exist, either. Damn, Hammas is really onto something here. Maybe we should all walk into places that don't exist and blow ourselves up, it's the new 'it' thing to do.
Hammas should probably make their move soon. With all of Israel taking the Passover Atkins diet, they'll be weak and cranky, and there's no better time to invade then while they're all constipated. I'm not too worried about it though, we're God's chosen people, he would never let anything bad happen to the jews.....
As bad as things look
for the 'Holy Land' all hope is not lost. That's right, yours truly has a plan to force Hammas to acknowledge the state of Israel. It's so simple that I'm amazed nobody else has thought of it. All Israel has to do is throw a party. I'm talking huge, crazy, keg-a-person, I'm-so-wasted-I-jumped-off-the-garage-
because-I-thought-I-could-fly...I-
was-so-wrong party, and invite all the surrounding countries. Jordan, Syria, Lebanon are all welcome, even Egypt and the Hammas will be invited. I mean they can't go to a party that doesn't exist right? All Israel has to do is serve Heineken, nobody can turn down Heineken. Hammas is sure to cave, even hateful terrorist groups can appreciate a good party. So all Israel has to do is throw a party and serve some Heiny, problem solved.
Hopefully they can do it quickly, so we can all enjoy a happy and peaceful Passover. I can only hope that the Israeli government reads this blog. Otherwise, I wish everybody in Israel and elsewhere a happy Passover.
Except New Yorkers... they're not real.
