Q: What has four legs, a tail, and barks?
A: A dog.
Q: How do you know George W. Bush evolved from a monkey?
A: Charles Darwin’s Theory of Evolution.
Q: Why did Martin Sheen ask his son, Emilio Estevez, to change his last name?
A: He doesn’t love him.
Q: What do you call a black person in space?
A: An astronaut.
Q: What’s the difference between Santa Clause and a Barracuda?
A: Santa Claus is a fictional fat man who delivers presents to deserving children once a year, and a Barracuda is a fish.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: How the fuck should I know?
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
A Funny Joke
Thomas Jenning enjoyed the simple things in life. He ate cheeseburgers, watched pornography, and liked spending time with his friends. When he turned 19 he married Charlene, his high school sweetheart and they moved into a small studio apartment-- the nicest one they could afford. Though his parents objected they were ultimately accepting and after a couple of years even began referring to Charlene as their ‘daughter.’ Still though, Thomas felt that their marriage had pushed he and his family apart.
Charlene and Thomas enjoyed having their friends over for drinks and dinner, but as their relationship matured they found they had less and less in common with those ‘friends.’ They would invite people over less and less; they would become more isolated, more alone. By the time Thomas had turned 32 he had a good job at a respectable marketing firm and a 10 year old son called Jake.
The day was hot and it was long. At 4:40 pm he had to submit his portfolio ideas for the new account, and he was anxious to get home. When the time came he made his way to his boss’s office, knocked twice, and walked in. ‘Look happy’ he kept reminding himself. His boss looked over his ideas, occasionally acknowledging with a grunt. Thomas had noticed him biting his lower lip as he often does when he disapproves of an idea. He wasn’t getting this account, both men knew it and they were now simply going through the motions. When his boss finished reading he threw the papers back in their folder with no regard for their proper order, faked a smile, and shook his hand. ‘Good work.’ Thomas would not get that account.
Heading home in his car his anxiousness faded with every passing moment. His daydreams of what the rest of the day would entail were replaced with memories of reality. His wife, now desolate and cold, their dog, yelping all goddamn day and night, and their son. He forced himself to think of the beer he would enjoy while watching the game. The buzz of the alcohol, the numbness. At least there was that. The song on the radio seemed to end a little too abruptly and a commercial for a new brand of shampoo began. Thomas reached for the dial to change the station but was interrupted by the shrieking ring of his cell phone. He answered it. Charlene calling to make sure he hadn’t forgotten that he was supposed to take their son, Jake, to the zoo that evening. He had forgotten. He went through the motions; a yes dear here and a silent agreement there, to get through the call. Before hanging up she handed the phone to Jake who greeted his father with incorruptible enthusiasm. At one point Thomas’s voice faltered. “Are you okay?” his son asked. Thomas assured him he was fine but Jake asked one more time. He promised to be home soon and hung up the phone. With the shampoo commercial just now coming to an end, Thomas pulled his car over to the side of the road. He lowered his head and with cars screeching by, he quietly began to cry.
Charlene and Thomas enjoyed having their friends over for drinks and dinner, but as their relationship matured they found they had less and less in common with those ‘friends.’ They would invite people over less and less; they would become more isolated, more alone. By the time Thomas had turned 32 he had a good job at a respectable marketing firm and a 10 year old son called Jake.
The day was hot and it was long. At 4:40 pm he had to submit his portfolio ideas for the new account, and he was anxious to get home. When the time came he made his way to his boss’s office, knocked twice, and walked in. ‘Look happy’ he kept reminding himself. His boss looked over his ideas, occasionally acknowledging with a grunt. Thomas had noticed him biting his lower lip as he often does when he disapproves of an idea. He wasn’t getting this account, both men knew it and they were now simply going through the motions. When his boss finished reading he threw the papers back in their folder with no regard for their proper order, faked a smile, and shook his hand. ‘Good work.’ Thomas would not get that account.
Heading home in his car his anxiousness faded with every passing moment. His daydreams of what the rest of the day would entail were replaced with memories of reality. His wife, now desolate and cold, their dog, yelping all goddamn day and night, and their son. He forced himself to think of the beer he would enjoy while watching the game. The buzz of the alcohol, the numbness. At least there was that. The song on the radio seemed to end a little too abruptly and a commercial for a new brand of shampoo began. Thomas reached for the dial to change the station but was interrupted by the shrieking ring of his cell phone. He answered it. Charlene calling to make sure he hadn’t forgotten that he was supposed to take their son, Jake, to the zoo that evening. He had forgotten. He went through the motions; a yes dear here and a silent agreement there, to get through the call. Before hanging up she handed the phone to Jake who greeted his father with incorruptible enthusiasm. At one point Thomas’s voice faltered. “Are you okay?” his son asked. Thomas assured him he was fine but Jake asked one more time. He promised to be home soon and hung up the phone. With the shampoo commercial just now coming to an end, Thomas pulled his car over to the side of the road. He lowered his head and with cars screeching by, he quietly began to cry.
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