Please don't take the time to read this. Go outside; I have nothing productive or insightful to say.
These are the prime years of your life. Your older and wiser now then you’ve ever been and you’re spending your free time reading this dribble. I literally wrote that sentence while sitting on the toilet taking a crap.
Take it all in. This is your life.
Every second of every day you get older. Every passing moment you’re closer to death. Your good looks, your smarts, and that thing you can do with your tongue are all temporary. Enjoy them while you can, ‘cause soon enough you’ll have to page that nice new Intern to help you shit into a bag.
There is a saying from a very wise man about the nature of life. He says. “Life is a roller coaster. It moves really fast, and if you can’t handle it, it’s not stopping ‘till the ride’s over.” That wise man was me. Just now. And I completely forget what my point was.
I can’t believe you’re still reading this; you make me sad.
The beautiful thing about time is that once you’ve used up a part of it, you can never have that again. That’s why time travel is so appealing to all of us. Think of all the things that you could do with the ability to travel in time. Bring a cigar, a top hat, and little tuxedo to your own birth, so that you’re born smoking a cigar and dressed to kill. Bring a pack of condoms to the night your children were conceived, or simply perform your own rendition of ‘Ice Ice Baby’ to a group of cavemen. The possibilities are endless.
Even more enticing is the ability to travel to the future. Go to where you’re going to be, jump out from behind the corner and make your old self crap your pants out of fear. Then you can travel back in time and surprise your future self surprising yourself so that he craps his pants. There are literally a limitless supply of ways to make you crap your pants.
If only.
Time travel isn’t real. Everybody gets old and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. So enjoy your youth while you can. Take it from somebody who’s young and doesn’t spend much time with the elderly, that being old sucks. As my grandfather once said:
“Being old sucks. Please, kill me.”
Trust me on that one. He’d probably deny ever saying it if you confronted him, but what does he know? He’s senile.
This is your life. You get one shot and then you die. Do something productive or at the very least enjoy yourself. Don’t waste time.
And for god's sake, don't you dare read this again.
