Every once in a while an idea comes along that is so ambitious it is certain to fail. This was one of those ideas.
The Adventures of Felix Fox from Jason Prosserman on Vimeo.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
I Don't Like Things In My Butt
Look, I don’t wanna brag or anything, but my doctor stuck things in my butt. Yup, that’s right. A man was inside of me. Not just any man either; nope, I bagged me a doctor. He laid me down half naked on the table and whispered sweet little nothings in my ear like, “You’re not going to like this,” and “I’m sorry, again,” and before I could say ‘could I see some credentials?’ he was inside of me. The room spun, colors blended into each other (namely red and brown), and my head was filled with one pulsating question:
How do people enjoy anal sex?
The thought of sticking anything up your butt, let alone a penis, is revolting. Especially if it’s uncircumcised. I mean, let’s face it, anal penetration is painful. Certain things simply aren’t meant to go certain places, namely objects in rectums and women in workplaces. Now, admittedly my experience was more unpleasant than it needed to be. The doctor left me post insertion to answer a phone call. I remember the conversation quite vividly, ‘I know you called the wrong number,’ he clarified, ‘but that doesn’t mean we can’t still talk.” Also, I remember wishing he’d stop asking me if I, ‘liked that, bitch?’
Still though, the thought of sticking things in there for pleasure seems a little excessive. We’ve all gone to some extreme lengths to get off; I’m as guilty as the next guy. I’ve seen everyone doing everything everywhere. I’ve seen men, women, and animals doing unthinkable things to each other. I’ve seen men’s faces cringe with pleasure and women’s faces turned into Jackson Pollack paintings. I’ve seen bondage and rape videos, children and space aliens making love to mythical beings, I’ve seen attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion, I watched sea-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate, I even once watched a transvestite give birth to herself. Hell, I need a car battery, a Hatian midget, and 2 pounds of dental floss just to attain an erection. The internet has shown me so much of everything I’ve gone numb. My weiner’s seen some horrible things and nothing fazes him anymore. He’s like a lil’ Vietnam veteran, just sitting there all day, numb to the world, cursing ‘that bastard Johnson.’
I think part of the attraction to anal sex is the taboo associated with it. Half the pleasure comes from the rush of knowing how unpleasant it is to most people. It’s the same reason Mexicans get laid. It’s that sense of forbidden rush that I think we’re all curious about that has led anal penetration to be associated with something like extra-terrestrials. Maybe it’s just me, but I find it hard to believe that aliens fly all the way across the universe just to stick things in our butts. I suspect an alien abduction would be slightly more complicated than a Southern camping trip:
Alien #1: We’ve acquired the specimen, shall we begin testing?
Alien #2: You got a real pretty mouth, aint’cha boy?
They engage in a heated 6 minute banjo duel.
Or maybe aliens are just assholes. Maybe they just like getting drunk and fucking with us. I can’t say I’d be too surprised if there wasn’t at least one species of alien that just liked sticking things in our butts and calling us faggots.
Which brings me back to the doctors’ office.
I found myself lying vulnerable on the cold sterile table trying to identify objects as they were removed from my rectum: anus stretcher, viewing scope, wrist watch. This harrowing experience was coming to a close, the bloody scabs on my butthole were beginning to clot, and I was overwhelmed with one simple question: What would Jesus do? I thought it over again and again and ultimately decided to resist the urge to shit on my doctor’s hands.
Everybody deserves to get their rocks off regardless of preference, belief, or race. Hell, right now there’s black folk fucking in the white house for the first time since Thomas Jefferson was president. If you’re not hurting anyone then everybody should be able to do anything they like sexually, that should be obvious. All I'm trying to say is that my anus is exclusively an ‘out’ hole. I've learned a lot from this experience, but above all else, I've learned what in hindsight should've been obvious from the very beginning. I don't like things in my butt.
Also, my doctor raped me.
How do people enjoy anal sex?
The thought of sticking anything up your butt, let alone a penis, is revolting. Especially if it’s uncircumcised. I mean, let’s face it, anal penetration is painful. Certain things simply aren’t meant to go certain places, namely objects in rectums and women in workplaces. Now, admittedly my experience was more unpleasant than it needed to be. The doctor left me post insertion to answer a phone call. I remember the conversation quite vividly, ‘I know you called the wrong number,’ he clarified, ‘but that doesn’t mean we can’t still talk.” Also, I remember wishing he’d stop asking me if I, ‘liked that, bitch?’
Still though, the thought of sticking things in there for pleasure seems a little excessive. We’ve all gone to some extreme lengths to get off; I’m as guilty as the next guy. I’ve seen everyone doing everything everywhere. I’ve seen men, women, and animals doing unthinkable things to each other. I’ve seen men’s faces cringe with pleasure and women’s faces turned into Jackson Pollack paintings. I’ve seen bondage and rape videos, children and space aliens making love to mythical beings, I’ve seen attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion, I watched sea-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate, I even once watched a transvestite give birth to herself. Hell, I need a car battery, a Hatian midget, and 2 pounds of dental floss just to attain an erection. The internet has shown me so much of everything I’ve gone numb. My weiner’s seen some horrible things and nothing fazes him anymore. He’s like a lil’ Vietnam veteran, just sitting there all day, numb to the world, cursing ‘that bastard Johnson.’
I think part of the attraction to anal sex is the taboo associated with it. Half the pleasure comes from the rush of knowing how unpleasant it is to most people. It’s the same reason Mexicans get laid. It’s that sense of forbidden rush that I think we’re all curious about that has led anal penetration to be associated with something like extra-terrestrials. Maybe it’s just me, but I find it hard to believe that aliens fly all the way across the universe just to stick things in our butts. I suspect an alien abduction would be slightly more complicated than a Southern camping trip:
Alien #1: We’ve acquired the specimen, shall we begin testing?
Alien #2: You got a real pretty mouth, aint’cha boy?
They engage in a heated 6 minute banjo duel.
Or maybe aliens are just assholes. Maybe they just like getting drunk and fucking with us. I can’t say I’d be too surprised if there wasn’t at least one species of alien that just liked sticking things in our butts and calling us faggots.
Which brings me back to the doctors’ office.
I found myself lying vulnerable on the cold sterile table trying to identify objects as they were removed from my rectum: anus stretcher, viewing scope, wrist watch. This harrowing experience was coming to a close, the bloody scabs on my butthole were beginning to clot, and I was overwhelmed with one simple question: What would Jesus do? I thought it over again and again and ultimately decided to resist the urge to shit on my doctor’s hands.
Everybody deserves to get their rocks off regardless of preference, belief, or race. Hell, right now there’s black folk fucking in the white house for the first time since Thomas Jefferson was president. If you’re not hurting anyone then everybody should be able to do anything they like sexually, that should be obvious. All I'm trying to say is that my anus is exclusively an ‘out’ hole. I've learned a lot from this experience, but above all else, I've learned what in hindsight should've been obvious from the very beginning. I don't like things in my butt.
Also, my doctor raped me.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Me Make Movie?
I found a great site that allows you to make short films by just typing dialogue, choosing camera angles, etc. Took 10 minutes out of my wallowing self-pity to try it out. Enjoy.
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